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Values-Based Identity

From “The Confidence Gap”, by Russ Harris:

Values are your heart’s deepest desires for how you want to behave as a human being. Values are not about what you want to get or achieve; they are about how you want to behave or act on an ongoing basis.

There are literally hundreds of different values, but below you’ll find a list of the most common ones. Probably, not all of them will be relevant to you. Keep in mind there are no such things as ‘right values’ or ‘wrong values’. It’s a bit like our taste in pizzas. If you prefer ham and pineapple but I prefer salami and olives, that doesn’t mean that my taste in pizzas is right and yours is wrong. It just means we have different tastes. And similarly, we may have different values. So read through the list below and write a letter next to each value: V = Very important, Q = Quite important, and N = Not so important; and make sure to score at least ten of them as Very important.

Value Description Rating (as of 12/28/2022)
Acceptance To be open to and accepting of myself, others, life etc V
Adventure To be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences N
Assertiveness To respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want V
Authenticity To be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself V
Beauty To appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment etc N
Caring To be caring towards myself, others, the environment etc Q
Challenge To keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve V
Compassion To act with kindness towards those who are suffering Q
Connection To engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others Q
Contribution To contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others Q
Conformity To be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations N
Cooperation To be cooperative and collaborative with others Q
Courage To be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty V
Creativity To be creative or innovative N
Curiosity To be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover Q
Encouragement To encourage and reward behaviour that I value in myself or others V
Equality To treat others as equal to myself, and vice-versa Q
Excitement To seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling Q
Fairness To be fair to myself or others Q
Fitness To maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing V
Flexibility To adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances Q
Freedom To live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise V
Friendliness To be friendly, companionable, or agreeable towards others Q
Forgiveness To be forgiving towards myself or others Q
Fun To be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities N
Generosity To be generous, sharing and giving, to myself or others N
Gratitude To be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others and life V
Honesty To be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others V
Humour To see and appreciate the humorous side of life V
Humility To be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves Q
Industry To be industrious, hard-working, dedicated V
Independence To be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things V
Intimacy To open up, reveal, and share myself – emotionally or physically – in my close personal relationships N
Justice To uphold justice and fairness N
Kindness To be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing or caring towards myself or others Q
Love To act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others Q
Mindfulness To be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience Q
Order To be orderly and organized Q
Open-mindedness To think things through, see things from other’s points of view, and weigh evidence fairly Q
Patience To wait calmly for what I want N
Persistence To continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties V
Pleasure To create and give pleasure to myself or others N
Power To strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge, leading, organizing Q
Reciprocity To build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking Q
Respect To be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and show positive regard Q
Responsibility To be responsible and accountable for my actions V
Romance To be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection Q
Safety To secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others Q
Self-awareness To be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions V
Self-care To look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met V
Self-development To keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience Q
Self-control To act in accordance with my own ideals Q
Sensuality To create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses N
Sexuality To explore or express my sexuality N
Spirituality To connect with things bigger than myself N
Skillfulness To continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them Q
Supportiveness To be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others Q
Trust To be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable Q