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Morning Pages: December 17th, 2020

Due to the coronavirus pandemic, I've been locking myself down until I think it's safe to go out again. To alleviate fear and stress, my writer's group has put together a daily “morning pages” get-together on Zoom in order to touch base before starting the day. Here's some of my brief thoughts.


I'm not sure when the last time I laid down in a large puddle was.



Maybe that's why we like doggos; they're like permanent kids.


I think I started coughing again yesterday, and after talking to parents, decided that maybe it's not the best idea for them to drive over this weekend to come fetch me to go back for Christmas. I think this would count as the first Christmas I would be spending by myself. It kind of sucks. No it really sicks. I think maybe I should have gotten that cat when I had the chance. Anyhow, what's done is done, and now the important thing is making sure I don't remain sick (like any kind of cough or headache or anything). The anxiety is definitely real; what got me up this morning is a nightmare (like any other nightmare) only this time it's a positive COVID test. Testing is absolute shit here in the States, I paid $120 and have to wait maybe a week or so after submitting a sample in order to get one test; otherwise you have to own a car to go through one of the drive-through stations or wait in line with a bunch of possibly COVID-positive people rubbing against you for hours to use the free clinic (which might reject you anyway if they discover you have a job and aren't poor and stuff).

I feel like we failed the tutorial. Next time we might not be so lucky. Next time we might have a version of Dr. Fauci who accepts being muzzled by the next Trump, and maybe our global standing will reduce enough where other nations find it politically acceptable to refuse to give us vaccines (or maybe the POTUS will find it politically suitable to blow up all the vaccine factories using some kind of STUXNET-style virus, just because he can). People are already getting stabbed in D.C.; I saw 4 people stabbed near Thomas Circle, and that's right by where I used to walk to the writer's salon.

I'm almost certainly going to have a bit of PTSD coming out of this. I'll be one of those 90 year old grandpas who hoards hand sanitizer and rubbing alcohol and constantly spritzes the air with alcohol hoping that the next, unknown supergerm won't get near him, and wiping down every delivery and package and grocery item with alcohol wipes, and constantly washing his hands. I'll be lucky if that's how the PTSD manifests, but for me, I think 2020 will be forever.

Also decided to lean into $LAZR investment after it dropped from $47 to $25 (with an unrealized loss of $1,300) and bought 80 more shares @ $25. Doing this in order to improve my cost basis and because I wanted to buy cheap. I'm not sure how much this company's worth, but I do figure this company won't go bankrupt anytime soon with the guy at the helm, so it's just a matter of time (of at least allowing inflation to catch up).